Selma Blair is dealing with a painful multiple sclerosis flare, but her optimism and strength haven’t waned.
The actress, who revealed publicly that she was diagnosed with MS in October, reflected on a tough night of sleep early on Monday morning.
“I woke from troubling dreams,” Blair, 47, wrote on Instagram. “Drank some water, came to the window to feel the 3 am air on my face. Breathe in. Breathe out. I have pain. My neck. My leg. My back.”
Rather than giving into the pain, Blair said she focused on the positive.
“Breathe in breathe out. I am alive,” she continued. “We are in a change. A shift is happening. I am riding the wave of it. I am comforted by those on this journey with me. There is abundance in the giving. All blessings already are. I like to think not one soul will be lost.”
Blair then focused on her 7-year-old son Arthur, and she included a picture of the two of them hugging as she uses a special bike — the Alinker — that makes it easier for people with MS to move around.
“I have the most beautiful part of my life right here,” she said of Arthur. “I am humbled and I hold it dear. Breathe it in. That is my proof. #breath #love #arthursaintbleick #keepmoving.”
Blair is doing her best to manage all of the difficult side effects of the chronic neurological condition, from trouble using her right leg to exhaustion to voice spasms.
“There were times when I couldn’t take it and I was really struggling with how I’m going to get by in life,” she admitted on Good Morning America in February, noting that before her diagnosis, she was “not being taken seriously by doctors.”
There were days when she would drop her son off at school just a mile from her house, and “before I got home I’d have to pull over and take a nap … it was killing me.”
When Blair learned that she had MS, she “cried with relief.”
“I had tears,” she explained. “They weren’t tears of panic, they were tears of knowing that I now had to give in to a body that had loss of control and there was some relief in that.”
Blair told PEOPLE for the 2019 Beautiful Issue that she’s simply happy to be alive and with her son.
“Life is hard, and living with a chronic illness is hard,” she said. “There are things I can’t do at the moment, but things like all these [facial] lines are a luxury because it means I’m still alive and enjoying it.”
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